i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
