How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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