It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
