mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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