If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
