She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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