My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
