Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
