I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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