whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
