He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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