WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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