I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
