You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
