And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
