God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
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I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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