make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
