my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
