i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
