you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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