Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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