Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And then he peed in my hair
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