I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
