jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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