I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
