There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
