gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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