he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
