You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
