told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
