dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
