textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
