No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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