Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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