wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
