Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
