I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
