There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize