Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
