I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
