A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
