I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
