At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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