trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
