I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
