wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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