She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
