dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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