Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
