I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
