she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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