I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Come on in and take your pants off
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