If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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