I wish I could punch you in the face.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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