If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
