He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
