so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
