What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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