you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
