I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
