How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude. I can hear the air.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
