I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
