I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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