I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
