I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
