I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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