his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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