So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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