I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
