You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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