I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
