Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
that is very illegal...i love you.
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