420 ftw
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
