Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize