Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
