youre lurking in front of me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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