So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
