the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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