Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize