Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
