This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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