I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
